Fishtown Briefcase A Review of Economy-Friendly Beers
  • Tis’ the Season to be Cheap Beer

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    December 22nd, 2008mattbeer, booze, everybody love everybody, fun, liquor, Reviews


    Happy Holidays everyone! We are in the greatest season known to man, woman, or child to be a bearer of cheap beer. If there is one major problem with the holiday party, it is that people get so caught up in the atmosphere, the pretty lights, and the fighting with loved ones that they drink the following: fine beer, fine liquor, and fine wine. Here’s the problem with that: ALL THOSE THINGS ARE EXPENSIVE. As a direct result: these parties run out of beer. WHAT!?! Party with no beer!?! I’m outraged at the very thought of it.

    Let’s say, for instance, you are going to be attending a joyous, holiday soirĂ©. Here is how you, my friend, can be a hero:

    1.) Buy a case of cheap beer
    2.) Bring the case of cheap beer to the party
    3.) Drink the case of cheap beer
    4.) Repeat for each party you attend

    Extra points for: Dressing up like Santa, having a fantastically bad holiday outfit, encouraging shotguns of cheap beer, and getting rude with the mistletoe.

    I personally know of two parties alone that were saved by a 30-pack of Schaefer. Without these charitable people bringing cheap holiday libations, these parties would have hit a wall before midnight instead of becoming nights when great memories are made. This is a beer that does everything great to mankind. It encourages sing-a-longs, it gets the girl who is ‘already too drunk’ drunker, it makes white guys dance (okay, that might not be a good thing), and it makes people open up and drink the holidays in. The brewers of this $13.99 “brick of beers” love the holidays and want everyone to have a great time. They are great guys, and you too can be great guy/girl by bringing a case of Schaefer to your next party.


    This isn’t even a review of the beer. It doesn’t even matter how it tasted (okay, it does taste great). The people who brought cases of Schaefer beer to holiday parties all around the world saved Christmas and contributed to the greatest gift of all, ELE (everybody love everybody).

    Schaefer: 5/5 briefcases. Let’s all give thanks for Schaefer in this holiday season! Happy holidays everybody!

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3 responses to “Tis’ the Season to be Cheap Beer” RSS icon

  • As a beer drinker, I would disagree with the assessment that Shaefer tastes great. It is kind of bland, at best. On the flip side, it’s very cheap. I admit I stuck 12 cans of Shaefer in my purse along with 2 bottles of wine, and brought it all to a great holiday party. Upon arrival, I hid the 12 cans under the table, for when the keg ran out. Because, hardly anyone, knowingly, would CHOOSE Schaefer when they could have been drinking a cold draft brewski, such as PBC’s Rowhouse Red. However, when this ran out and the brave stalwarts who ventured out on beer runs hadn’t come back yet, these 12 Schaefers definitely helped keep the party going for a short period of time.

  • If you’d like to hate on Schaefer, thats fine. You apparently hate Christmas, America, babies, and Jesus. Go enjoy your pagan rituals and animal beheadings this holiday season. I’ll enjoy festive parties fueled by cheap beer.

  • Let’s be real… Schafer is a fair beer. It ain’t no Lionshead, but then it’s head and shoulders and throats above Pennsylvania Style Lager.

    Can you say this is the best of the best of cheap beers though? Aren’t you pretty sure you’re going to find something in the same price range which is better? I’d give Schafer a solid 3.75 briefcases.


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